This was written shortly after my husband started Chemo/Radiation for his cancer of the Lung.

My Anger

What has become of me
Through this dreadful disease
Called Cancer
Where there were times
In days past
That anger and impatience
Slipped from within me
To lash out at those I loved
What is happening to me
To send my love
Off to another room in tears
What have I done to her
And to those around me
Do I want them to feel the pain
That has taken my very being
Do I take pleasure in seeing that they, too, will suffer
I refuse to have what I deemed to be my manhood
Stripped daily away
I no longer feel shame
Or have times of embarrassment
Gone are those days
I feel I have the right to show my anger
I am the one that is suffering
I am the one that this disease has riddled my body
I watch as my loved ones enjoy life.
Able to move swiftly about
Enjoy a good meal
Never seem to tire
While I must sit back
And watch as my life is draining slowly away
Oh that the end will quickly come
I don’t mean to hurt those I love
I am sorry for my times of anger
Sorry for lashing out at you
You are not in my shoes
You have no idea of my thoughts
My heartache
I can only apologize
And hope that you can
See fit to forgive me
For I do love you
And, I always have

Gail Adams Aug. 20/10